ReligiosiTea
ReligiosiTea is where sacred storytelling meets critical inquiry—an exploration of how religion, spirituality, and health collide, converge, and co-heal.
Hosted by Adren, a doctoral student in Health Equity Sciences with a Master of Public Health and a background in anthropology, this podcast bridges the gap between lived experience and academic insight. With deep roots in qualitative research and a passion for testimony, Adren invites listeners into the spaces where belief systems meet bodies, where healing is both clinical and cosmic, and where the divine shows up in diagnosis, doubt, and deliverance.
The name ReligiosiTea is a portmanteau of religiosity—a measure of religious participation—and tea, a term from queer and AAVE dialects meaning truth, gossip, and revelation. This isn’t just a show about religion or health—it’s about the stories we whisper, the rituals we survive, and the questions we dare to ask when the stakes are spiritual and embodied.
Episodes vary in format—from interviews with people of diverse faiths and spiritual identities, to solo reflections, to commentary on the politics of faith and wellness. Whether you’re devout, deconstructing, or somewhere in between, ReligiosiTea offers a grounded, generous space for complexity, clarity, and connection.
ReligiosiTea
The Preacher's Daughter, A Witch
Spill your ReligiosiTea directly with the show host! Let us know your reactions, stories, and more!
Content Warnings:
This episode contains discussions of:
- Mental health struggles, including depression and anxiety
- Religious trauma and themes of spiritual disconnection
- Paranormal experiences and supernatural encounters
- Death and illness, including family health crises
- Guns and references to firearm use
- Sexual and sensual content, including dream experiences involving desire and boundaries
Please listen with care and step away if you need to. Take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t.
Episode Description:
What happens when the God you were raised to love never speaks back—but a wolf god does?
In this deeply personal episode, Brittany shares her spiral journey from Baptist churches and childhood guilt to sigils, scrying, and self-resurrection through witchcraft and Norse mythology. After years of struggling with depression and anxiety—and a strained relationship with her preacher father—Brittany began exploring alternative spiritualities that not only made space for her questions, but talked back.
We explore:
- The misunderstood story of Fenrir, and what it means to feel rage and still be sacred
- How Freya became a guide for self-love, boundaries, and feminine reclamation
- The difference between being told what to believe and feeling something for the first time
- What it means to “work with” deities, including dreams, offerings, and shadow work
- The grief of religious disconnection and the strange empowerment of supernatural experiences
This deeply personal conversation explores how alternative spiritual frameworks can transform mental health when conventional approaches fall short. Having struggled with anxiety and depression for nearly two decades, Brittany found that therapy gave her tools she couldn't effectively use until discovering witchcraft: "It helped me pinpoint all the problems I needed to focus on. Everything they taught me in therapy before, I now figured out how to utilize properly."
We dive into fascinating aspects of Norse mythology, including the misunderstood story of Fenrir and the multifaceted nature of Freya. Brittany explains how these deities became active collaborators in her healing journey, helping with everything from anger management to self-love. "When I practice, I feel on top of my game," she shares. "My entire attitude shifts and I love it."
The episode also explores practical elements of witchcraft - from scrying and sigil-making to protection protocols - while addressing important considerations like cultural appropriation and misinformation in spiritual communities. Brittany's advice for newcomers emphasizes research, protection, and developing personal discernment. Whether you're curious about alternative spirituality or seeking ways to enhance your own well-being, this conversation offers valuable insights about finding authentic connection with the divine. As Brittany wisely notes: "No matter what deities or religion you rely upon, you need to have a one-on-one relationship. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
This episode unpacks the emotional, spiritual, and mental health impact of finding a belief system that works on your terms—even when it means leaving everything you were taught behind.
“Witchcraft gave me the tools to finally use what I learned in therapy.”
Follow me on Instagram and Threads: @ReligiosiTea
You can use the link at the top of the show notes or email me at religiositea@gmail.com to share your stories, thoughts, insights, reactions, and much more! I'm waiting for you to spill your ReligiosiTea!
We're spilling tea on religion and health, when intersections of faith and healing combine. On religiosity, as this podcast discusses religious beliefs, religious experiences, personal testimonies and mental and physical health. Some of the today I'm talking to my friend, Brittany. Can you tell us something about yourself, Brittany?
Speaker 2:So I'm Brittany, I like to lounge around and I like to play video games and I'm into witchcraft and really like to explore spiritually.
Speaker 1:Nice. Can you we're going to like start strong. Can you tell me about your current religion, spiritual practices or beliefs?
Speaker 2:So currently I would say that I identify more as spiritual than anything else. I do practice witchcraft. It goes in and out sometimes, but mostly I've been a little bit more connecting towards the Norse pantheology instead.
Speaker 1:So can you tell me? I'm hearing a couple different things, right, so let's start with witchcraft. Yes, Can you tell me for you what are like the core beliefs or foundations of that belief system for you?
Speaker 2:I wouldn't know if there's like core beliefs, because there's so many different things that can go into it because, there's so many different things that can go into it.
Speaker 2:So I really think it just kind of goes with the deities that you have or you don't have because you don't need them. It could also be I don't know, that's like a loaded question. It could also be just how you work in order to keep yourself grounded or just completely stabilize yourself in your life. I think the biggest rule that I know that stands out for everything is just research. Research before anything.
Speaker 1:So what about for you Like, what are your core beliefs with this?
Speaker 2:My personal is definitely research, always research before you do, and then just go with the flow. Go with what feels right Like, follow your intuition, really ground yourself to where you can hear and feel what will go right for you hear and feel what will go right for you.
Speaker 1:So for you, it's more about the experience and feeling your way through what it is that you're doing, rather than relying on like a framework.
Speaker 2:Yes, because it's like I could just go off of like a whole bunch of videos and other stuff that other people do, but it's always best to make something that's from yourself instead.
Speaker 1:When I used to participate in those spaces. It's kind of like how they would say, it's the craft in witchcraft, like you have to put yourself into it and do things that feel good for you and that really represent what you're trying to do. Yes, so now going into Norse mythology, I think, surprisingly, I think people know more about witchcraft than they know about that, so I know a little bit about that. But from your perspective, where do you see Norse mythology coming into your life?
Speaker 2:It was very Actually it still is very complicated because there's not much that we can actually go off of for norse mythology because it was pretty fuddled throughout history due to, like, the whole christianity movement going out throughout the world so and the uh norse didn't actually document like other cultures would have until christianity came around, that's when they had scholars from them try to write down stories um all throughout, like iceland, certain parts of germany, scandin and all of that.
Speaker 1:That's really cool. It's like salvage anthropology. I don't know if you've heard of that, but it's Franz Boas, the father of American anthropology. He came in and started working with indigenous peoples who were being erased by ongoing colonization. So he trained indigenous people to do anthropology of their own culture and this was to preserve their belief systems, to preserve their histories, their oral traditions, through writing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And their languages, and some of those efforts were more successful than others. But do you think what you're explaining was kind of like a way back version of this, because they were trying to retain their identity a little bit?
Speaker 2:it's hard because it was like I wish I remembered his name, but it was a specific scholar. He was a monk that wrote everything down. So he's already coming from a certain perspective with christianity and he's hearing it from multiple places, but there's multiple stories that are almost the same, and then he's trying to translate it so that other people can understand the culture and the stories as well, but it would get muddled because he's not originally from there either.
Speaker 2:So there's a lot of mistranslations. There's a lot of I. I noticed a lot was the black and white mentality, like there's always good and evil. It's not really how the Norse like worked, but because of the stories that are transitioned from that specific scholar, you can see it so.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I misunderstood what you said. Sorry, no, it's okay. I thought it was the Norse people doing the work, but it was. So that's just anthropology.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the norse did not document anything. I mean, they had their own alphabet and everything, but for some strange reason they just did not have a want to write any of their stuff down or at least that we've uncovered yeah have you read the poetic eddas? I've gotten some that's fair.
Speaker 1:That's fair, um, okay, so, from what you have learned, what are the core beliefs of this pantheon?
Speaker 2:from what I have learned, I want to say most of them are just stories, but they're all configured together for lessons of some sort so like fables yes okay, and what do they teach you about how to live like?
Speaker 1:what are their morals?
Speaker 2:well, at least back then it was just like either die on the battlefield, um, die between a woman's thighs, or you just don't go to Valhalla. Those are the only two options of how to get you there, um, but it seemed like love was not one-sided.
Speaker 2:For something back then that was definitely one-sided, like the feminine had its role and then the male had its role, but here it was just like, kind of what we fight for today, it was already there, like females were doing male jobs. They were trained to also fight alongside, um, if something happened to them where they were, um assaulted, uh, they got fair trials. It wasn't just like oh, you're a woman, that's it. So yeah, the only thing that seemed a little bit gendered was the, the practice of magic. That was usually safe for the women, not necessarily the men, which is weird because Odin also did that.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, so can you, can you tell me how this kind of has evolved into today from your perspective? Like? What are modern people like yourself taking from this ancient religion?
Speaker 2:the good side is taking um from the well. No, because there is a religion for it. I'm not a part of it, but they're taking. They're taking the word heathen back, since that was used as a derogatory term for, obviously, people who weren't of the monotheistic religions. They're taking that back. They're more into instinctual, habitual, feeling your needs and going more of a natural weight rate, not weight um, instead of always having to go with the societal structure of what others want right it's just kind of like learn to be yourself and do what's best for you.
Speaker 1:And how do the gods play into that, if at all?
Speaker 2:It depends because, just like any other deity, they all have different roles. Just from my perspective, I know there's a big argument that goes on a lot of the time for specifically Fenrir. He's not really a god. I guess he'd be considered a demigod of all things, but because of those stories from the scholar, it's more like he's supposed to be the villain of the story. But in all actuality it was literally Odin who made a decision, but it only came to be because he treated Fenrir that way. So Fenrir just did the natural instinct of just going out and maybe he got a little angry and did more than he should have. But, um, I think for me personally, I didn't work work with Fenrir.
Speaker 2:I didn't ask him to come to me, I didn't didn't ask him to come to me, I didn't ask to work with him, but it was more like he was just there when I was very, very angry and so with his help, I actually ended up learning how to express my anger better and to try to get it under control a bit more, where it was like negative emotions are okay if people treat you badly. Uh, freya, she's usually only known for, I think it's what, what's the major one? It's just like sex and love. She's actually like way more than that. Uh, she's also known for war and everything else.
Speaker 2:When I specifically worked with her obviously I'm not going to war, um, I didn't really need help in any other areas except love can be many things right. So she helped me learn to self love, like just love myself in general, and then really come into using my femininity more and be more robust about it, be a little bit more aggressive and just be like no, this is what I want, and set boundaries so I have two questions, but I won't give you a double barreled question.
Speaker 1:The first question can you tell us you you explain a little bit more about Freya and the things that she represents? But who's Fenrir? I know who.
Speaker 2:So Fenrir is actually one of Loki's sons. He's actually the giant wolf that ends up causing Ragnarok. So he is the end of the world and his story. To sum it up as much as possible, it's just like loki kind of liked to go around and have fun with things that he probably shouldn't. So he gave birth. Well, he ended up having a daughter who ends up being hell. So she's half living, half dead, takes care of the underworld. Then he had the word that's really hard for me to pronounce. It's the world snake that one escapes, goes into the sea.
Speaker 2:Fenrir is the last one left. He's just like a little tiny wolf pup at this point. So then the god tear, um, he comes in. He was just like I'll take care of him. So they actually become best friends. They go to war with him, they fight battles. Finruir just starts getting bigger and bigger because he's part god, not just a regular animal. So he apparently becomes as big as a mountain and Odin starts to see this, starts to worry about it, because they've seen him on the battle. He's really fierce.
Speaker 2:So some stories say he actually went and talked to Sears. Some say that he saw it himself where it was, just like Fenrir was going to be too much to control and so he didn't trust him. So they had to put him away and they couldn't kill him, because then I think that would break the contract that Loki had with them. I don't know, because then I think that would break, like, the contract that Loki had with them. I don't know, but either way, they start the gods start trying to trick Fenrir and they're just like oh well, you can't break this chain and you can't break this other chain that they try to put on him, and he breaks everything. So they go to the dwarves, ask them for help and so, with like very specific and hard to get ingredients, they create a chain that's super thin actually, and they're just like ask him to wear this, okay. So they asked for him where they're like we got you another task, can you break it? And he was just saying I don't know, this seems weird, that looks puny, like why would I try to break that? They're like come on, you can do it. If it's so puny, you can just do it. But he feels like something's off and he's just like no, I don't want to do that. And they're talking. They're talking, but his best friend Tyr comes up and he's just like, look, we'll go ahead and we'll put this on you. And then, like it'll be fine.
Speaker 2:And Finrir is just like, I'll put it on, if you put your hand in my mouth and if I get screwed, then I'm just gonna bite it off. And so, yep, he tries to break the chain. He cannot, he can't get out of it, ends up biting Tyr's hand off. So Tyr is now a one-handed God. They grab him, throw him in a cave and just leave him there. They put a sword in his mouth, specifically to make sure that his jaws open the entire time, and to where it's, stabbing him at the roof of his mouth. And they say, like a river that comes from that cave is like the drool that came out of Fenrir. That's what caused it. But eventually, like he went mad and he broke free and then started war with all the gods and killed Odin himself.
Speaker 1:So yeah, so has this already happened in the mythology or is?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's very hard for me to try to figure out like an actual timeline to where I'm just like, well, if they're dead, like how does this work out, like how am I still able to contact? And I think that's where it might be just iffy for that, because it's just like it is just stories.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:I think that's true for a lot of the pantheons that we know about from the ancient world. Where the religion that they practiced was completely separate from the mythologies, and the mythologies were more like an entertainment based around their belief system.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:So we'll have to unpack that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because some of the gods actually survived, but I mean Odin died.
Speaker 1:But there's a lot of people that still deal with Odin, so yeah, so would you say that the story of Fenrir is your favorite story from the mythology?
Speaker 2:I think so. I think it's one of those things that just like see, I don't think Fenrir would have ever become like that, or been their demise, if they hadn't just done it the way they did.
Speaker 1:I think it's very on-brand for you.
Speaker 2:I was like that's why I have them tattooed on my arm if they hadn't just done it the way they did. Well, I think it's very on brand for you.
Speaker 1:I was like that's why I have them tattooed on my arm.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I know our listeners don't know this but Brittany is obsessed with wolves, so I like them.
Speaker 1:Okay, so my second question that I have not forgotten is you said work with a lot, and personally I've been in spaces with alternative spiritual practices, so I know what that means. But for the sake of our listeners, what does work with like when you say you're working with a deity? What does that mean for you and what does it look like?
Speaker 2:So with Fenrir it was actually really surprising. His was just company um freya, uh, she was willing to help, it wasn't hard. But at the same time I felt that was more of a 50 50 exchange, which is why I still, like, gave offerings to her whenever I could and like sometimes would explain those offerings so she understood what it meant. And that's about it. Where it was just like it's a 50 50 exchange, she's teaching me a lesson. Those lessons would be learned either with the universe being how great the universe is, or sometimes she came out in tarot a lot. I don't know why, but specifically the chariot card. Every single time I wonder if it's because she actually does write in a chariot, but she was always the chariot. Um, bees, a lot of bees too. But yeah, I don't know. It was just like lessons that were learned. I would ask, and then somehow be enlightened with the information, whether it be like during my own meditation, or maybe it was just like a lesson I learned the very next day.
Speaker 1:So what I'm hearing is that when you say working with, it's talking about kind of the personal supernatural relationship that you have with a higher being yes okay, when you were telling your story about Fenrir, you mentioned dwarves oh yes do you believe in dwarves?
Speaker 2:um, I can't really say that I can or can't. I mean I can't disprove them, but at the same time, like I can't accept that that's a real thing either. So I wonder, because usually actually the Norse gods weren't even actually known, I think, to the scholar as gods, they're actually giants.
Speaker 1:There's multiple giants throughout the whole thing, so that's why it's it's a big mess he tried his hardest, though yeah, so we're gonna have to look for some ancient writings from the norse that have yet to be uncovered. Yeah, can you tell me kind of the codes of conduct for practicing either witchcraft or under the norse faith and what that means for you, like the respect, the protocol, whatever it means? Like how do you enter into this space?
Speaker 2:I feel like the it's always research, always, always research, no matter like what deity you're going for, because some of them I don't think um, because they actually didn't work together. Um, but fenrir and fred, I don't think they would have actually gotten along um, personally, because one was completely brutal, raw, intense anger, and then the other one was more about like controlled, like you can still have a temper, but control so, but I never worked with them at the same time if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:So, but yes, research, and then I don't know. But yes, research, and then I don't know. I feel like just respect is just normal Treat. Everybody like you would want to be treated. Listen, do not copy people's stuff Because it might work for them but it doesn't mean it's gonna work for you. So always do the research behind. Okay, why did they use this, this and that? But like, don't use somebody else's sigil, don't do that. Right. You have to come up with your own, because it might not work for you. Okay.
Speaker 1:Can you tell me more about the runic sigils Runes?
Speaker 2:I was like I've actually been trying really, really hard to get into runes. I don't have that greatest skill set with it, like at all. I'm just not very good with it and I think maybe I just need to find the rune set that's for me, because I only have this like cheap, like Lothis Lazuli rune set that I got.
Speaker 1:And what about when you do you use runes to make your sigils?
Speaker 2:No, because, honestly, I'm open to working with any pantheon when it comes to deities and right now, even though I feel connected with Norse pantheon, I feel like that I don't want to just stick to it, because I feel like I could also learn other lessons from others that I won't be able to learn from them. So but I never mixed that. It was always my own concoction of stuff.
Speaker 1:And what is a sigil and what is it for?
Speaker 2:So it is a well. I don't know if you want to call it marking, but it's. You can put multiple letters or numbers together, depending on what you're trying to do.
Speaker 1:Let's say graphical representation.
Speaker 2:So I don't know. For me it was always writing down like a sentence, and then you have to try your hardest to make that sentence into just two or one words. So it's direct mm-hmm and then from there you have to put the letters into a certain way, to where it comes up with a shape that obviously you like, you don't want it to look horrible, horrible. Take out all the double letters I believe it is too and then from there you cleanse it, and then you have to Not energize. Energize is not the Activate.
Speaker 2:Activate. Yes, I was like energize is not the right thing, but you have to activate the sigil, give it the energy that it does need in order to work, and then you place it wherever you need it and so they're kind of like you can use it for protection, I use it for money and it actually worked pretty well nice that was crazy.
Speaker 1:I mean you don't get rich off of it, but I got a lot of tips working at dk for no reason yeah, so it was nice okay, I think I'm gonna come back to that got it so we've talked a little bit about what you called the positive side, and I know I know you know where this is going. I know that there are people who use the Norse pantheon to promote like white supremacy, yes, and anti-miscegenation and racism, yes, and I know you. So I know that that's not what you're about, but can you speak? I know you don't know the ins and outs because you don't practice in that way, but how did it feel when you learned about that?
Speaker 2:I'm actually really mad, because I think everyone's trying to find their own like spiritual part and they all kind of want to just wish it's rainbows and butterflies, and then you find out that it's tarnished in some way. So that kind of was not fun to find out that it's tarnished in some way, so that kind of was not fun. To find out where it was just like. Oh so now we have like neo-nazis in our midst, uh, saying that only white people can practice it, and that's definitely not how it was like. Even when the Norse used to take in slaves, they could actually pretty much become one of them if they wanted to. They just had to prove themselves and that was it we're also not promoting slavery.
Speaker 2:No no, no, I'm sorry, no that's okay.
Speaker 1:So we've touched on a lot of things here. We've briefly touched on practices, your favorite story, how the relationship kind of works as a framework for you. Can you tell me how all of these things make you feel when you're practicing or engaging in that space?
Speaker 2:I think I feel comfortable and for some strange reason I'm able to concentrate a little bit harder, at least if I'm by myself trying to get it all done. I seem to get messages in different ways. When I need it, they know how to contact me. I feel good. I was like, yeah, sorry.
Speaker 1:Not. You have my number deities Just like they know where I live.
Speaker 2:It's fine. But yeah, I don't know. I feel comforted, I feel way more strong, I feel empowered. I think that's why I liked witchcraft so much.
Speaker 1:Nice, thank you. Can you tell me how you found this belief system and what drew you into it?
Speaker 2:So originally I was Christian. I was actually raised baptist. I was baptized three times, one when I was a baby and then two when I was like I don't know 12, and then 13. Those two I chose, um, and then I started to kind of question a lot of things in my teenage years and I think that's what opened it up. Uh, I had a friend whose mom was Wiccan and she lent me a book and I read it, but I didn't personally, uh, follow through with it because I didn't like the roles that they had the men playing as, and to me that still read too much like Christianity at the time, like I wanted everyone to just be equal, um, but it was still made me really, really curious. And then as kids I don't I think all kids do it, maybe they don't, but like we used to make like little potions in the backyard- and like have like little spells, cause we saw it on the movies, we thought it was cool, um, but it wasn't until I got the chance.
Speaker 2:Uh, I found an internet forum and from there, uh, they talked a lot about everything and I was like, oh, this is cool, it's just witchcraft. And I was like I could be a christian witch and it's like that's what's gonna happen. God won't be mad at me if I'm a christian witch, like. So that's what I did for a little bit until I was just like, look, I'm gonna be honest and I just I never had that connection with god or jesus, like whatever they said that they could feel within it. I always felt outcasted because I couldn't and you can't really ask somebody. Well, how does that feel? Because then you feel like they're going to ask you like how come? You don't know. I just I don't. I don't know what that feels like. Now, dealing with like Freya and Fenrir and a couple other, just random mishaps, I felt things, and I think that's what scared me the most was was how come I could feel that but then couldn't feel what was going on or what I was supposed to be feeling with God and Jesus.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So I don't know. I just stopped it. I stopped lying to myself. I was like I'm not Christian, I don't even. I haven't even gone to church in years.
Speaker 1:So and can you describe that feeling that you're talking about and maybe an example of one of the times that you felt it?
Speaker 2:So it feels closeness, definitely Like there's a connection somehow to whoever you're dealing with. I think you would randomly get different things from different deities, like with Fenrir, it was always it was warm. I don't really know how to explain that, but it was just it was warm. With Freya, it was always like I knew she was there, but it was more of a comforting feeling. And then flowers I can't really just flowers, and so it was almost like spring has blossomed, like a nice little spring breeze, um. And then someone else I don't even I don't know who they were um, I'm sure it had something to do with the moon, I just don't know who she was. She like you could still feel the connection, but it was cold right like cold.
Speaker 2:Um, other than that, I think it. When people talk about, when they deal with god or jesus, that connection they're talking about. That's the only thing that I can see and feel is because that is what I have felt with all of them.
Speaker 1:So so have you had anything crazy happen to you? Yes, a little too much what's one really powerful experience that you've had um, so I think it was when I first found witchcraft.
Speaker 2:It was more of a dream, but I think that's what opened everything up. Because of that Because when I dream they're not special I can't remember them. Half the time I don't know. Half the time I don't even dream. So I just know.
Speaker 2:When I started researching everything, I lived in Alabama at the time and I just had this dream and all it was was just this lady. I just remember her skin being super pale. I couldn't see her eyes, I could only see her mouth. She had long black hair. Um, she had long black hair and she just told me to like burn this, this thing that I had in high school. It was like a creative writing thing that we had for English in freshman year and I think it still held negative, like thoughts from back then. So at first I didn't really understand it. I still have no idea who this lady was.
Speaker 2:Like. I didn't feel in danger, nothing like that, it was just weird. And then the next night I just went out and did like a little fire pit, got some rose buds and burned it, and I think that's when it was just like okay, cool, freedom, I don't know, negativity gone whatever. Um, I think what was crazy is when you find out that when you ask the universe for things and you actually practice something, it can work. And then it does and you're like, oh, and you start freaking out a little bit because you're like, oh, I can do stuff.
Speaker 2:And I think that kind of hit hard a little bit for me, because it was kind of like, oh, I can do stuff, and instead of being like super, super excited, I was like with great power comes great responsibility, and I got worried because I was like I don't want to do anything bad. So we asked LJ's grandma to get better quickly because she had went into the hospital and at the time, if that happened and the rest of his other family came out, then they would say that his dad wasn't taking very good care of his grandmother and we could lose our place, he could lose his place, all that other stuff. So that's all I did and I actually asked LJ to help me with that.
Speaker 2:So all I asked was that I could use his energy to help do that she was out the next day, the very next day, and I was just like even he was just shocked and I was like I knew she would get out, but I thought it'd be like three days, not the next day.
Speaker 2:So it's interesting yeah, it's definitely or like you think, oh well, if I can do this, I can make like a money spell. One time I made this drink purely specifically so I could play the power ball that night, because I knew it was going to draw. I knew someone was going to win and I wanted it to be me. Um, I worked so hard and put so much intention into this drink. Just this tea sloshed it all down before the drawing ever came. Did I win? No, but the universe was just like here's seven dollars nice thanks.
Speaker 1:You could have had seven billion, but they said seven's enough.
Speaker 2:I was like, at least I got something, but I'll never put that much effort into this ever again. So it has its ways. Obviously, you're going to have what's coming to you. Right. I feel like it's more of a speeding up process, but it's also like a healing journey as well. It's fun.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you for sharing all of that. Sorry, that's okay, that's what we're here for. Can you share a little bit about your religious and spiritual history?
Speaker 2:Yes, so before, like I had said, I grew up Baptist. My mom wasn't. She split between Christianity and Catholicism, but I think it was like an intertwining. So she still believed in the bible, still believed in like the whole ten commandments and everything, but instead of it just being like god and jesus, she also truly believed in certain, certain saints. I wouldn't be able to name them other than Mary. I know she would use Mary a lot, but she wasn't an avid churchgoer or anything. My dad was more of the let's always go to church type. I went to a daycare that specifically evolved around Christianity, a daycare that specifically evolved around Christianity. So at the great age of like I don't know five or six, I knew most of the books by heart of the Bible.
Speaker 2:Then it was my grandma who took us to church for a while, but it didn't really seem like I want to say that anyone other than my dad was very set in being like a devout christian um, so that's just what I identified with for like the longest time.
Speaker 2:Um, I didn't really have an issue with people, but I think I had an awkward conversation one time before I found witchcraft. Um, I didn't know much about Catholicism, even though it's like prominent here in El Paso but you always hear the same jargon in the Christian churches where it's like, oh well, they worship saints and they're not supposed to because they put them before God or something like that. And I had met someone when I was with one of my boyfriends, like in North Carolina, and she was talking about her faith and I was just like so how does that work when you talk to multiple saints? I mean, how can you still say that you're devout to your faith if you're putting them before God? And she had to explain to me that wasn't the case at all, that they are actually there to help, also with multiple lessons and multiple needs, but they were never once, ever before God or Jesus. So that was fun.
Speaker 2:I went from that and then found witchcraft. Was uncomfortable with trying witchcraft because you're always told that it's wrong, you shouldn't be doing it, god will hate you for it, you'll go to hell, all that great stuff, um. So I was like, oh well, god loves me, that he's not going to send me to hell, right, so I can still do stuff in his name. It'll just be witchcraft. Like that's when I found out, oh, there is such thing as christian witches. Then I got confused because I still didn't know how witchcraft worked and was kind of going off of like the wiccan thing where you have a male deity and then a female. And then I had this theory that, like, all of the gods specifically came from this male or female, they were just different versions of them. And then that's when I realized witchcraft was definitely more of go with the flow and you will find your own tuning. And I was like, okay, and here I am no longer a Christian looking at everything I can so I know, at some point in your life your dad became a preacher.
Speaker 1:Yes, how old were you when that happened?
Speaker 2:I was like a young adult I can't even pinpoint if somewhere in my 20s where he always, always talked about possibly doing that, um, and then one day he just did. He went and got his doctorate's degree. I believe it's just like an online school doctor of divinity yeah so, and he became he doesn't have like a following or anything like that.
Speaker 1:So but what did that feel like for you and how did it shape your faith?
Speaker 2:it's hard because there's always been a issue with me and my dad's relationship and I will never understand how in Christianity someone can preach so much about a fatherly love or just love in general, um, be kind to thy neighbor, all that stuff but then completely, just blatantly like, throw the lgbtq plus community out the window. Um, he's very old school, old testament about all of it, just black and white kind of. But then you hear where he forgives people who've done like horrible, horrible things, faster than he'll forgive someone or even get to know someone for just having a different preference. Right.
Speaker 2:So it's difficult. It took me like five years after practicing witchcraft to actually come out to him and tell them that, hey, I'm pagan, I practice witchcraft. And he's like okay, I still love you. You know, kind of maybe in a way.
Speaker 1:Interesting. So I also know that when you were growing up, your mom had a lot of health complications. Yes, so during that time you were still Christian. How do you think your christianity helped you cope with or deal with that situation?
Speaker 2:bad. Um, I always felt like god couldn't hear me like, especially when I started having my own problems when I was like a younger teenager. It just seemed like he was never there, never listening, but I still kept on. I don't even know why, but I did. And one day me and my mom didn't even have a strong relationship, but she said she had cancer and it kind of broke me because I felt really guilty for the longest time because we had such a bad relationship. There was points and times when I was younger that I had wished ill upon her pretty hard and I was like please don't let her come home like I'm. I can't do this anymore. I was just, I was a kid yeah, yeah, angsty teenage drama.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like it's more like neglect and abuse, but you know, whatever. But yeah, so I thought that those bad thoughts had actually come to fruition and she had probably gotten cancer because of me, or at least it bloomed to that point. And I felt horrible because it was just like, wow, um, thanks, but this is not what I was asking for like at all, and uh, I don't know. I just I felt really, really, really guilty. I didn't think I was going to hell or anything, because it's just like, well, why would god do it for me if he was just gonna send me to hell anyways? But, um, I still felt like really, really guilty where it was just like. I feel like maybe god was trying to teach me a lesson in that moment and how do you think your mental health was during that revelation?
Speaker 2:that I had horrible um anxiety and depression for 15, almost 20 years, so it was never really good. Yeah, it was always there and, uh, I just don't think in that moment christianity was going to help me at any point in time.
Speaker 1:Right, so then you moved into witchcraft.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And when we were talking about how you felt during your earlier experiences, you said you felt empowered. Yes, so do you think that this was maybe the first point in your life where you actually found a belief system that was improving your mental health?
Speaker 2:Definitely. Um, I felt like I actually had control of something Kind of. It was more like I could ask for something and it would happen. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Um, obviously To an extent, um, but it was like, wow, I can actually do something and something will come from it. And then it was even crazier when I actually started feeling those connections where I was like, oh my gosh, they'll, they'll talk to you back, um, and it just felt different, like I could actually make a change, and I think whoever was listening at that point in time I actually had like a bad, bad fear of, like, the dark, since I was a kid, like almost petrifying fear of the dark. And, um, one day it was just gone, like after I started practicing witchcraft, it was just gone, like after I started practicing witchcraft, it was just gone, wow.
Speaker 1:And I've never had that problem since, so that's yeah.
Speaker 2:You embraced the dark days In a way.
Speaker 1:I was like in a way so Christianity was challenging for you. That's yes. Have you had any challenges?
Speaker 2:or struggles while participating as a witch. Yes, um, I think everything has its own I wouldn't necessarily say bad side, but I think a lot of people know about like witch talk when it comes to tiktok and there's a lot of smoke and mirrors like I'm seeing people do and try to show how they do their spells, and it's like something so simple and they're just doing like theatrics for it for whatever reason, and or they're just blatantly telling people wrong information and you see others copy it instead of just do the research. That's all you had to do. You have people who constantly fight. It's hard because everyone has their own variations of doing spells, tarot and everything else, so no one will always be the same. But yeah, some of these people are a bit theatrical for sure.
Speaker 1:Were you on Witch Talk during the time of the whole Lemon Hex debacle. What's your take on it?
Speaker 2:I don't see the point of it. I think what they were trying to do is actually steal a little bit from either Voodoo or Hoodoo and try to implement it in a way that they didn't understand. What they were trying to do is actually steal a little bit from either Voodoo or Hoodoo and try to implement it in a way that they didn't understand, and so it was just a trend that kept going, and I was just like or you could really get your hands dirty and do other things, but you don't have to use a lemon.
Speaker 2:I mean, if you want to get creative with stuff, can. Just I didn't really see. I don't think they would have gotten what they wanted. I think they were trying to throw out some really big hate and anger towards whoever they're trying to deal it out with, and I was like I don't think this is gonna work, like I'm sorry, I just don't think so I'm gonna need to interview one of the lemon hexers to see what their experience was all about like did it work? I'm just curious, like what was your intention behind it?
Speaker 1:so by challenges I was really thinking about like personal struggles, right, so we frame this as the personal struggle of like where do you find information and how do you do the research to be successful in this? How did you manage that? Or, like, what were your sources? Or how did you know when information wasn't vibing well with what you're trying to do?
Speaker 2:so I think an example I can give of that is Freya. So obviously I got out of a really bad relationship that I was in for almost 10 years and finally got my own little space, thanks to one of the friends I had at the time. And I don't know. I was pretty broken. I didn't know who I was supposed to be anymore. I didn't know what I was supposed to do in the world. I just didn't even know who I was in general. I didn't know what I liked, um, so I figured well, I had stopped practicing witchcraft for like a while, so that probably didn't help help.
Speaker 2:Um, I was kind of dabbling in it here and there, but I just completely shut off at that point. But after I got out of the relationship I was like, well, let's start with things that I know that I like. Witchcraft is one of them, okay, so then it's just like, well, let's start doing tarot. But I felt like I wasn't getting a direction. So then that's when I kind of heard everyone talking about, um, something about shadow, like your shadow self, shadow work, yes, and um, I was like, okay, so let's start figuring some stuff out. Like, where, what can I start working on myself to do to be better, like this is what I could probably do, and then that's when Freya actually ended up getting involved and we started really directing it towards a lot more self-love, setting boundaries Um, I'm trying to think, just being your own person and being okay with saying no I think that's my biggest struggle. Like no is my favorite word and yet I wasn't using it. Like at all, which makes no sense.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, that's, that was the closest thing, but it took a lot of trying to figure out. Like you had to piece it together because it's like okay, back to witchcraft, what do I do with it? There's so many things you can do. You can read runes, you can do this. I didn't know anything about the norse pantheon at the time. Um, I knew that I had seen like a few things that piqued my interest, but I never thought to like reach out, because I never really reached out to deities before and I was like, well, I need help with these struggles that I'm having. So let's pinpoint these specific struggles. Did more research, found out like, hey, well, ray of my help, so she doesn't seem like a hard deity to work with. Let's ask her and see. And it just went from there to work with. Let's ask her and see. And it just went from there where mental health, physical health, everything came back up minus me dying on the side but it's okay.
Speaker 2:Same word. Yeah, um. So I actually had health problems, like in hawaii. It popped. I would have this gripping pain to where it would stop me from walking, and it was weird. And it only popped up like once every six months for a while.
Speaker 2:Then I came back here to El Paso and started working and when I did that the pain started becoming more predominant. It started getting closer. So it went from once every six months to like once every three. Then it started happening weekly and we get to the point where I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I would be going to the doctors and telling them like, hey, um, so I'm in pain a lot and I don't know what to do. I even went crying into the ER one time and they thought I was having a heart attack. I wasn't. But uh, they would give me this weird little mixture and they would just be like oh, you have gastritis.
Speaker 2:Got to the point where I was only eating cream of wheat for breakfast and white rice at night. I lost so much weight. I couldn't have coffee, I only drink water, I couldn't have anything Until finally I got tired of it because now it was affecting my sleep and I couldn't fall asleep anymore. So I went to a different emergency room and that lady made me so mad. She was just like well, what makes you think they're going to give you a different diagnosis? And I was just like, because I've been listening to all the doctors and nothing's changing. Something's wrong, something is definitely wrong.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they went and they did a CT scan and they found out that my gallbladder was full of gallstones. Scan and they found out that my gallbladder was full of gallstones. It had been like that for two, almost three years, so it was inflamed about three or four times the size it's supposed to be. It could have ruptured amazingly, didn't. But there was one specific stone that was like too big to go through the tube, so it was acting as like a flap, so it would go down and then all of a sudden I would have all those problems and then go back up normal. So, yeah, they went in and they were just like do you want it gone?
Speaker 2:I was like, yes, take it out of me yeah, I actually still, to this day, don't really know what happened, and it's just my own personal belief, which is why I'm probably way too scared to have um like a spirit, not a spirit animal, a familiar that's what it is I'm too worried to have a familiar now because copper my dog was that for me when I had witchcraft and he died of the same exact problem? No way.
Speaker 2:I never thought that that was what was wrong with me. I didn't know that, yeah so now, even though my cat comes around and does everything, I'm like go away, I secretly, I just I don't know why we both had the same thing, why we both had so many gallstones, just like our gallbladders were full to the rim with stones.
Speaker 2:I still don't know why, but I know he died first, and then that's when my symptoms started getting way worse and I went and finally like fought to the point that they were just like oh okay, this is the problem well, it could have been environmental, but the fact that that's what I'm wondering too. But then why wouldn't lj or? The kids yeah at first I thought, well, the jet fuel contamination in hawaii, that makes sense.
Speaker 2:But the cat tube nothing yeah I just find it weird and it makes me a little paranoid. So I'm just like no familiars for me. Yeah. I'm good, just in case.
Speaker 1:That's definitely a mysterious circumstance, but these stories were the perfect segue into our next segment. Can you tell me how this religion or practice has influenced your mental health?
Speaker 2:yes, um. So I think I had a lot of a lot of well, I just had depression, chronic depression. For years I went to therapists. I kind of rejected medication because a lot of the time it didn't help. I think when I got into my early 20s, that's when I finally got like anxiety medication, and it was craziest experience because I could feel like a panic attack was going to come on. Then all of a sudden it just stopped. I was like, oh, this works, okay. But I feel like when I got into this, it helped me really pinpoint all of the problems that I needed to focus on. It made me dive down deep and then everything that they had taught me in therapy before I now figured out how to utilize it properly in order to fix the issues that needed fixing. Um, is everything completely okay? No, but I feel like an actual functioning human being now and I don't have any depressive thoughts. My depression is pretty much gone.
Speaker 1:Um, I get unmotivated, but I think it's, it's helped a lot so do you think it would be safe to say witchcraft gave you a framework for how to actually use the tools that you were given in therapy yes, because it's still 50 50 where it's like you could ask the universe or whoever you talk to or anything, but it's not just going to give it to you.
Speaker 2:It's a 50 50 exchange you have to put in the work and they will help with whatever you cannot handle. So it definitely gave me the tools, the knowledge, the backup, everything to just put it all together and change my entire mental state that's awesome.
Speaker 1:So when I say the word well-being, what does that mean for you?
Speaker 2:well-being, I think, encompasses a whole, so that would be like mental, physical.
Speaker 1:I think spiritual should be thrown in there glad you think that it is on this interview guide yes what does spiritual health mean for you?
Speaker 2:spiritual health. I think, if you have the motivation, um is definitely being one with whatever you're trying to do, um, I don't think you have to necessarily practice it every day, or even if you do, it doesn't have to be huge, like you don't have to walk into a church every single day. But even if you just sit there, think, pray, appreciate, then it should all fall through and that's what spiritual well-being would be being at peace. I like that.
Speaker 1:I like that.
Speaker 2:But, it's still separate from mental well-being. So mental can go, I think, in the same hand. But that's where spiritual can help you get those tools to help with your mental state Right, to calm you, to feel like you're already with something that you've connected to, that you're used to, and it'll help you kind of weed out all the negativity right so I've asked this question in different ways throughout this whole conversation.
Speaker 1:But a little bit more directly when you're actively participating in this practice, so when you're talking with the deities that you're working with, when you're maybe praying, when you're doing a ritual or making a sigil, whatever it is that you're doing, how do you feel?
Speaker 2:I feel on top of my game. I feel great. I feel like nothing can stand in my way at that point, Like I get so much encouragement and just I don't know, all of a sudden I'm just like don't get in my way, or else you're going to be a problem and that's, that's all it is. Like my entire attitude shifts and I love it.
Speaker 1:Would you say empowered again?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Nice. Is there anything in particular that you've taken from this practice that helps you mentally or emotionally? So one maybe core practice that you do within witchcraft that really makes you feel the best not necessarily because there's so much that you can do in witchcraft.
Speaker 2:I don't do tarot like everybody else can. I don't know like the traditional way of doing it. Um, I've just had to read the best way that I could. Um, and amazingly it works for me. Um, I've done divination, did the whole, like potions, tinkertures, all of it's fun. So I guess just being hands-on with everything is what makes me comfortable with it and makes me calm and at peace, and I think the only lesson that I've really, I guess, kind of learned specifically from witchcraft is there is no more black and white, everything's great alright, so can you pick one of those practices that you said, so we can dissect it a little bit.
Speaker 1:Tell me which one you're gonna choose and then tell me the rules behind it and then like the steps, the procedures that you would take to do it that is so hard.
Speaker 2:I'm like jeez. Like the steps, the procedures that you would take to do it. That is so hard, I'm like geez. I guess the one that I liked the most was when we were at Raven's where it was, you showed me the I still have it too, where it's the mirror and it's like is it divination?
Speaker 1:Is it considered divination? The scrying, the scrying, yeah, we're digging into my past. Now, y'all.
Speaker 2:Oh, scrying. But where you have the water and I tried multiple things it was kind of hard to make the tea lights float, so I had to get candles that were a little bit thicker that could actually stay but not completely float at the top and I think from there was almost going into a deeper meditation, because I've tried regular meditation. I cannot quiet my mind like that. Um, I think one time I reached out to you when I first was trying to learn it and I got dizzy and kind of like fell out. It was weird. Um, I've just never been good at it. I've tried, but scrying for some strange reason can put me into that state of just being quiet, listening and paying attention to what I need to know at that point, or even if it's just like there's nothing for me to get, just quiet. It's the only time that's worked for me all right.
Speaker 1:so let me explain a little bit. A long time ago, in a different life of mine, I made a scrying bowl, which is scrying is a form of divination through looking at something. Generally, it's a reflective surface of some kind, so water mirrors things of that sort, but it can also be sky, it can be fire, it can be smoke from incense whatever it is that you really feel called to do. So I made a scrying bowl that I later gifted to Brittany when I started my new life, and the scrying bowl is a black bowl with a net around it and seashells. It's actually very beautiful. It might look a little creepy to some people, but I like it.
Speaker 1:So inside the black bowl is a mirror and normally when I would use it I would put some kind of oil in the water, because the oil moves around and makes shapes, since oil and water don't mix. And then you float a candle Don't put a majorly flammable oil in the water, by the way and you float a candle and you never look at the candle flame directly because safety first and you don't want to hurt your eyes, but you kind of glance into the bowl and you let the fire flicker and cast different shapes and shadows through the oil and the water and then it puts you into a meditative or trance state, which is what Brittany's talking about. So when you use the bowl, now that you have it, how do you feel when you use it?
Speaker 2:I like it because, like I said, it quiets my mind. So I have like ADHD and anxiety, so there's always something going on in my mind 24 7. With the bowl I can actually quiet everything and just be in that trance. I don't think I've ever directly gotten a message from it that I can recall, but that is the best form of meditation that's ever put me in a calm state. And I'll throw on some like norse music in the background and it just puts me in a good mood. So usually I'll do that and then whatever spell work I'm going to do after, because that makes everything calm nice.
Speaker 1:So how would you say that this kind of deeper state facilitated by the bowl impacts your mental health, like your overall mental health, not just in the moment?
Speaker 2:it helps because, yeah, in the moment it quiets everything down, but sometimes you need that break you just need that quietness. You need the calm to come every once in a while, or else you're just gonna burn out and just be deeply tired. So because of that type of meditation I'm able to be, I guess, in a way more rested and then more energized afterwards. Putting my energy towards something else helps me focus a little bit too mm-hmm and would you say that there are any physical health benefits from this practice?
Speaker 2:Actually, yes, if you can go more towards like just the herbal side, so you can learn what different herbs do, then you start to learn that you can also incorporate it into your food, and so not only can you have intention into your food, but you learn healthier eating. You have more of a want to give back also to mother nature, take care of the earth, kind of grow your own things as well. So, and then learning meditation, which everyone talks about so much. Amongst witchcraft, you can find your own type of meditation you're.
Speaker 1:It's definitely going to help you health-wise yeah, and a little disclaimer here witchcraft meditation is very beneficial for the people who use it, but it's also very different from buddhist meditation. So for people listening, buddhist meditation is more about tranquility, calming the mind, thought control. It's very yeah, I was like I sucked at it it's very ego-centered, and I don't mean ego like you're egotistical but yeah, ego like of the self yes, it's very self-focused, unless you're doing things like meta meditation, that's M-E-T-T-A not meta like the metaverse, but it's still very individual.
Speaker 1:From my experience, and maybe you can speak a little bit to this, the witchcraft meditations are a little bit more transcendental. They're a little bit more geared towards connection with something divine, connection with the world around you. There's a lot of visualization involved, a lot of music involved.
Speaker 2:I do agree there's different ways that you can do it. I think when you do do just the regular meditation, it almost starts off because you have to ground yourself. That's the most important thing. You're supposed to ground yourself, align all the chakras and then do whatever you're supposed to do after you quiet your mind. So I think in the beginning it starts off that way but then goes towards whatever direction they're supposed to be working on. So that is correct, towards whatever direction they're supposed to be working on them.
Speaker 1:So that is correct. So how do you feel that this practice?
Speaker 2:contributes to your spiritual health. I think, overall, just not only did it help me heal myself, but it also gave me a more positive outlook on the world. I cared more about nature. Um, I cared more about what my words did to people and, like, overall, it made me a better human being, I think nice.
Speaker 1:So if you could wrap all of these kind of domains up into one thing, how would you say that this practice contributes to your overall well-being?
Speaker 2:overall it helps me put everything into perspective and helps, I guess, just in different ways. But you kind of have to have all three like you can't sit there and just be like, well, I want, I want, I want. You also have to put in the hard work for it, because the whole shadow work process was not, it's not fun. Um, it's really, really hard to hear like all the negative things about yourself and then have to retrain all of those things to make it work. But overall I think it would benefit a lot of people, even if they didn't take it on as a full practice, like even if they just took the tools, tried it and was just like, oh yeah is there any specific advice that you might have for anyone who's interested in starting a practice like this?
Speaker 2:all research, it's always research, and don't sit there and say like, oh, this looks easy, no, okay. So first it's research, then it's protection. Only those two things. Do those two things first, always multiple times, and then eventually you'll find your own way. There's so many different paths, but you'll never stop researching. I think that's the funnest part for me.
Speaker 1:So get ready to read.
Speaker 2:Yes, Read, read. So get ready to read, yes, read. Do not hear everything online. Take it with a grain of salt, oh, and go with the flow. Don't let anyone tell you that something, just because it doesn't work for them, that it wouldn't work for you. Like some things might work. Like that lemon thing might have worked for one person, right? We don't know, we don't know, we don't know, we don't know, we don't know, we'll find out, if you have a lemon story.
Speaker 2:Please reach out through the link in the show notes A lemon with nails.
Speaker 1:So I've also asked you this question here and there throughout but, I also just want to give you one more opportunity to answer. Have you ever had a spiritual experience that felt extraordinary, miraculous or unexplainable?
Speaker 2:Yes, I've had too many, actually, ever since I was a kid I did. I remember seeing one thing, I think, when I was a a kid, and it made no sense to me at the time I was a child. It was like a, a skeleton, and all of a sudden started just doing a dance. I was fully awake, I was only like four, and it just randomly came to my doorstep. I started crying because it's a skeleton, and then it started to dance. So I think it was trying to get me to not cry, but I called my mom. It went away, but seeing things kind of stopped other than like random shadows here and there, and then always being able to hear stuff, though like footsteps. So that was interesting, was interesting. I think one of the ones was in Alabama, actually when I had already started discovering witchcraft, by the way, um, I'm just gonna throw this out here. So stuff will start to happen to you when you practice witchcraft, however. That's why protection is the like number one thing and to be very, very on your protection game 24, 7, that doesn't automatically mean like all this stuff is happening because you're practicing witchcraft in a bad way.
Speaker 2:Um, but I remember I was really, really tired from work. I was about to fall asleep and I remember in like my mind's eye seeing this like beautiful, freaking woman, like she had the perfect lips, she had silky, like really long hair, like everything on her seemed perfect in some weird way. And I'm just thinking, I'm trying to fall asleep so it's whatever, and then all of a sudden in my mind it was just like she's dead and it was just like what? And then it went from like this beautiful girl, like laying next to me on the bed, to like fading in and out, to like showing an actual skeleton, to just regular looks like beautiful person, dead person, and that's it. Um, I ended up falling asleep and in this dream um, some, I I shouldn't have picked this story. Um, I got some really lewd feelings we can put an explicit label, okay, I was.
Speaker 2:Well, I was really horny and I was trying to get my rocks off pretty much, and it went from just being normal horny to all of a sudden having this deep and guttural urge to really really just like I don't know, have my world rocked in some weird way. Mm-hmm. And then it went from that to me being able to contort my body into ways that shouldn't be happening in order for me to try to reach this orgasm. That's pretty much non-existent. Right. But I'm trying to get it.
Speaker 1:And this is all in the dream.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm trying to get it. Um, and this is all in the dream, yeah, and so I I didn't understand, like, what was really happening. All I know is, all of a sudden in my dream, emma emma came out. She's my daughter, she's only like three at the time. She came out of the room and, out of nowhere, like this thing, this lady comes out of the wall. She doesn't really look like the lady I think, necessarily that was laying next to me, but she comes out of the wall and tries to take my kid.
Speaker 2:Out of nowhere I'm able to stop everything that I'm doing even though I wasn't able to before and I knew it was like not supposed to be happening that way and, uh, take my kid back, pretty much, uh, wake up and uh, I was just like, well, that's, that's really weird. I didn't know anything about succubuses at the time, but I felt usually, if I have dreams like that, there's questions I need to ask, because I just don't have dreams like that, I just don't. So that's when I found out, oh well, actually succubi like to take children and all this other stuff, and I was like, wow, how that aligns, that's weird yeah.
Speaker 2:I didn't really think much into it other than like, well, it was just a dream. But I think I should start taking like precautionary things. Then lj I don't know if it was like a few days later or a week, it wasn't long after ends up falling asleep, having a dream and for some strange reason his was just weird. Um, he said that somebody had knocked at the door and when he opened it it was Chewbacca. And he does his little thing and LJ is like this is a dream and like closes it and lays back down like on the bed. But then there's a knock again and this time he grabs like the weird little I don't know BB gun thing we had at the time in his dream, opens up the door but no one is there. But he looks down the steps and there's this woman who almost seems pretty much the same but is mostly dead, and he can tell that she's dead. So then, after he sees that he closes the door, he wakes up and I was like, well, that sounds weird. Who knows, maybe I told him about it. He had a dream.
Speaker 2:Okay, then there was his dad. His dad was the one who had the physical, actual, awake, completely experience. He was in his garage and at night he would have the garage only halfway up, so the bottom is open, top is still right here mid he would just have beers and smoke cigarettes in the garage. That's what he did. He said he heard someone knock at the door. Well, not knock at the door, but knock on the garage. He's like, yeah, and he thought it was like someone from the neighborhood at the time, so it wasn't too weird. But it's already nighttime, it's dark, no one answers. So he gets a little bit louder and no one answers again and he's just like, oh, maybe they went away. But then he hears the knock again.
Speaker 2:Well, he's not dumb, and he's not dumb and he's also southern, so of course he has a gun next to him. Um, of course he immediately takes the safety off and he's just like all right, well, whoever's playing games, I'm armed, and so he goes and he lifts the thing up and they had a really long driveway, so it's like she knocked. But then was all the way almost at the edge and for some strange reason, like Jim was never a stupid man, but for some strange reason he did a stupid thing and started to try to follow this lady. To try to follow this lady and he said that she was like dressed in white, that he was like the prettiest girl that he had ever seen in his life, and starts trying to follow and then gets to about the edge after you leave their driveway. It's hard to describe, but it's like there's no sidewalk.
Speaker 2:But she's just a few feet away and he thought it was weird that it was hard for him to catch up, because he's already an old man, so it was hard for him to catch up, but she kept moving so fast but it didn't seem natural. But she was just so pretty Like obviously he was thinking with his downstairs, that's all it really was, and so he's asking if she needs help. All of this while he's trying to follow her, she's not saying anything and she's just like there, and then not there. And then, once he got to the edge of the sidewalk, I think she ended up trying to turn kind of like down the driveway where we lived, but it's a very long driveway and in there is like a whole bunch of bushes and a whole bunch of houses that are actually abandoned in that area, like at least three of them. They're small but they're there.
Speaker 2:And I don't know if he just randomly woke up out of his trance or what have you, but he was just like nope and went back to the garage. So I was just like nope and went back to the garage. So I was just like it's weird that we're all describing the same lady within a month of each other. I don't like this, and it was always the same thing where it was just like LJ could tell that she was pretty but immediately knew she was dead. I saw like gorgeous, and only after like a few seconds I could see the shift between dead living, dead living.
Speaker 2:And then you got Jim who just thought I don't know that she was normal, and then obviously it wasn't normal yeah so don't really know if that was a succubus, but I feel like if there's anything to give a name to, it's probably as close as you get right.
Speaker 1:So do you feel like this was? Obviously it sounds terrifying, but yeah, it was a little bit. Do you think that this was like a confirmation of your new experiences that you have been having? Or like how did you approach this situation and how did you approach the fear?
Speaker 2:um, it was scary, but I think one of the biggest lessons that I learned originally even before like all of a sudden my fear of the darkness was gone was just like a witch should always be comfortable being able to go into the woods and not be scared, like especially of anything paranormal, like you're not supposed to be. You can control it. You can control what's gonna happen. You can do this, you can do that. So I guess I always just had that like instilled into me and don't get me wrong like I was still fearful because that's not normal, but it definitely was just like time to look up sigils, time to look up protection, because I don't trust this, so couldn't control it being on the land. There was definitely something wrong with the land, but I can control it from going in my house.
Speaker 1:Right, so do you think that this is still following the thread that you started weaving earlier about empowerment?
Speaker 2:I think so. I think it helped because it's still one of those things. Well like, we didn't have a problem again after it, but I, I think what more did that was being able to do something, like the whole grandma thing, whereas, like I did a spell and the very next day it was just like oh, I'm back right I'm fine, I'm like you, sure?
Speaker 2:uh, that was more of like wow. I didn't even have anything like talking to me or really connecting to me at that point either. So to know that I did that with the resources, that I had not even deities helping me and I was able to do it, that was empowering that is, and the fact that it's a shared experience is also wild yes so during that time, did you think of calling on god at all?
Speaker 2:no, no, because when I first found that little community, it was definitely had to be something about denial. I was like I'm going to get in trouble, I'm going to go to hell. But then I guess just hearing people say like, oh well, you can't go to hell if you don't believe in it, it's just like huh, like well now. So I didn't feel so guilty. I was just kind of like you know what? I haven't been to church? Um, never heard god, never heard jesus. So let's try this out. I didn't hear any deities for a while until I actually physically started to work with them like one-on-one and I asked so nice well, thank you so much for sharing all of that.
Speaker 1:I'm glad that you were not taken into the abyss, yeah, and that your kids are safe yeah do you have any advice for anyone who would want more information about you know going into this and you can't say research again?
Speaker 2:Oh, I was like, definitely research.
Speaker 1:How I guess my deeper question how should people discern what is authentic and what isn't?
Speaker 2:You will mostly have a basis of people who will tell you and let you know certain things is a closed practice. Definitely listen to that. But the point of research is like I actually found this person on TikTok and I wanted to delve a little deeper into what he found for his resources for the Norse pantheon and he started talking about runes and I was like you know, I always struggle with really trying to connect with runes. I was just like what, what are your tips? What books did you read in order to give me this? And he was just like runes are a closed practice. And I was like no, they're not. That's like saying like norse, like just norse. Paganism is closed, it's not. But that's like a great example of just like why you have to do the research Because you'll hear everything from everyone and they could be right, they could be wrong, and then you'll never know and you could do be something wrong that'll hurt you in the long run. Right.
Speaker 1:Okay. Are there any initiation rituals that people should be aware of? Or is that more like an independent decision?
Speaker 2:oh, actually, yes, if you come from a monotheistic religion specifically, um, you need to deconstruct. Actually, I think that's even with any other religion. If you come from religion in general, you probably have a mindset of good and evil. You're going to have that. You need to deconstruct that first before you completely get into, like what deities I should be talking to. Uh, what work should I be doing? No, deconstruct, get all that stuff out of your system, because now you're in a different game where almost everything runs wild and it'll only stay with you if you're the one who wants to do it.
Speaker 1:And that's about it what is one thing that you wish you knew earlier in your religious path? Um.
Speaker 2:I think if I would have actually made the decision to be like well, obviously I had proof that I can do magic, if I would have thought first about maybe dealing with all of my demons and my problems and kind of like better helping myself first, that would have helped me a lot further than before. So just know like you can use magic for yourself too, not to just get physical stuff like money, luck, like really work out your own personal problems right, and this is the first time that you've said magic in this interview, actually, which is surprising, coming from a witch I try to stay away from the term because people don't like it.
Speaker 2:I like thinking of it more of a science almost but a lot of people hate hearing that term because they're just like oh, harry potter, I'm like not the same.
Speaker 1:I have to ask do you spell magic with or without the K?
Speaker 2:With the K. Okay, probably because it gets a little less. It seems slightly more mystical, but also gets a lot less bad looks compared to just using, like, with a C.
Speaker 1:Right, okay, okay. So do you have any words of wisdom or something that you've learned or taken from witchcraft, from your journey? Whatever it is that you think can benefit other people?
Speaker 2:I think no matter what deities, religion, anything that you rely upon for a higher power, I think you really really need to try to have a one-on-one relationship. I understand hearing about rules within those religions. I understand that there are also people who will really highly recommend that you follow rules a certain way. Only you can have that relationship with your deity. Do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise how it's supposed to go, how it works for you, how it should be. Just have that connection and it won't steer you wrong.
Speaker 1:And how do you think that connection would help people with their well-being?
Speaker 2:I think people would actually become better people, honestly, if religion as a whole died. It's really really harsh, but I feel like, because of religion, it becomes a construct of having rules and regulations between the relationship you should be having with your spiritual essence, your deity, whoever, and because of that it restricts you and because of that you do wrong things. I'm not going to say bad things, because people don't intentionally do bad. It makes bad things happen, though, and it makes wrong decisions come up. So it's better to, yes, worship the way you believe it should be worshipped, and you can follow those rules, that's fine. You believe it should be worshipped and follow you can follow those rules, that's fine, but don't let anyone ever tell you how your specific relationship with that deity is supposed to be at all and do you have any cautionary tales or something that someone should consider if they want to participate in this kind of spirituality, something that's happened to you or that you've seen?
Speaker 2:so it's definitely true. I don't know about the whole third eye thing. Like I said, I've had this kind of issue since I was a kid. I don't know if like the whole thing for the third eye has ever worked. I've experimented with so many different things. It's ridiculous. I love it, but it's hard to. Um, definitely things will start to happen to you because now you have opened yourself up to a whole new realm that you had originally sectioned yourself off from. Um, that doesn't mean everything is bad. You can still control it. You can still help yourself. You will definitely have a different mindset on demons, that's for sure. Um, you can pretty much almost communicate with everything. The fairies are not cute little tinkerbell things at all. There's a whole bunch of different types of fey, so that's fun what about the dwarves?
Speaker 2:I don't know about the dwarves. I don't. I should really look into that. I really should, um, because now I'm just like I wonder if we can have communication with the dwarves I mean, they're the ones who made all the weapons anyways. Um, but yeah, uh, that's why protection is the biggest, biggest, biggest thing. And make sure you are mentally sound, physically sound, with the best of your ability, because sometimes we all have ailments we can't control. Um, if you want it to work for you, no matter what your faith is like, you have to make sure that all three of those things are fed pretty well. So your spiritual, mental and physical, but take care of yourself, don't ignore it. It's my advice.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you, brittany, for being on this podcast. It took a little pulling teeth to get you here. I'm sorry, but I really appreciate your time and this wonderful conversation that we had. I also want to thank the listeners for making it in this far. I hope to continue exploring themes across a variety of different religions, faiths, practices and spiritualities. I know my earlier episodes have kind of been focused on Christianity, but I did tell you that we were going to go on an adventure, so I hope you can see the threads of where this is going and that's the religiosity. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. Be happy, be healthy and be well.
